DISQUS

Beth Powell · 1 year ago

Hey Michael, I like this. I have adopted another technique. We agree what the chores are and then we accept that each has priorities at a particular time. ie, I am watching my show right now I will do it tonight but not immediately. I accept that. Let the kids know the duty and the time that it has to be done within. That way we are not always doing interuption = aggravation. My sister is a "horse whisperer", she has also taught me the technique of saying to myself "mm that's interesting" before i react. its a bewdy. gives you time to think before you speak.

Michael@Awareness * Connection · 1 year ago

Hey Beth. I like that Horse Whisperer one. Anything to help us create a pause. That's good

I may not have communicated that piece clearly about the timeline, but that is part of the collaborative setting up of the chores on the front end. I advocate agreeing ahead of time when the chore needs to be done by so the kid can decide what works for them anytime before it is due. That's the principle of shared control that runs through all the ideas on working with kids that I write about here.

So the child gets input into when that is, within reason. I think you're right that having a window within which they can choose when to get it done avoids an awful lot of problems in the long run, and helps kids to learn how to take responsibility to contributing to the household. In the story Jon had already passed that deadline that he agreed to and is blowing his Mom's request off, which is why Mom feels pretty good about doing something about it.

Thanks for stopping by and for weighing in Beth.

kristina · 1 year ago

This is great advice. I particularly like the chore scenario, where the boy was expecting $5 and did not receive it. My kids are under 5 but knowing that delayed consequences can be effective once kids are older is good to know. I was always under the impression that consequences needed to be immediate.